


Rules Are Meant To Be Upheld...Mostly.

by BlazersEtc



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Boys Being Boys, Boys hiding feelings, M/M, boys not realizing feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 16:24:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13978974
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlazersEtc/pseuds/BlazersEtc
Summary: Alec Lightwood was born to follow orders, to stick to the rules and keep everyone safe and in line; but then a blonde boy named Jace walks into his life and suddenly the rules are a lot harder to keep.





	Rules Are Meant To Be Upheld...Mostly.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally the first part of my new Jalec series featuring autistic Alec, but since there was no actual mention of autism in this, and I feel it's completely IC for canon Alec, I chose to post it as a stand alone. No beta reading [at 3am while sick] so I apologize for any mistakes. [I'm pretty sure it changes tenses in some random spots but honestly, I'm so tired it's all just mush at this point]. Slightly changes canon of 2x03.

Rules. For all of Alec’s life rules were the one thing that had never failed him, even when people did. Rules didn’t change, they were set in place and followed, they guaranteed consequences and enforced responsibility. Kaos was the natural enemy of rules. Kaos took rules and threw them out the window, creating a firestorm in its wake. Kaos was something Alec hated more than anything in the world; until on day Kaos appeared in the form of a small blonde haired boy named Jace.

******

It’s not Jace that keeps Alec awake at night. In fact, Alec would have been certain that Jace never slept and was constantly training or working on his studies, if it weren’t for the screams he heard almost every night like clockwork. They echoed down the hall from where Jace slept to his own room, effectively keeping Alec from his own dreams. Alec’s had nightmares of his own before, but he’d never woken up screaming and the fact that he could hear Jace’s screams from down the hall sent shivers down Alec’s spine.

He’s not sure what the dreams are about, he’s never asked, and Jace likes to act like he never has them, so Alec lets it go, not wanting to push his new friend into something he’s not comfortable sharing.

Instead, Alec sighs, rolling over to hide his head under a pillow to block out the screams he can hear once again.

He’s not allowed out of bed, it’s after hours and he’d be punished if he was caught walking through the halls, but tonight he wishes he were old enough to stay out of bed, so that he could help Jace somehow. Even if to just wake him up in hopes of ending the dreams. It’s the first time in his life that Alec has hated the rules.

*******

Jace likes to bend the rules. In fact, Alec has never seen someone so flawlessly bend the rules to get what they want and not get in trouble for it. It’s an art almost, an art that Alec will never understand-and one that pisses him off ever so slightly when Jace comes strolling in after curfew, not looking the least bit sorry for what he did. Mayrse lets him off with a warning, nothing more than a light slap on the back of the hand, and Alec crosses his arms in annoyance as she walks away.

“Why is it that if you break the rules you don’t even get in trouble, but if I do something as small as forget to clean ichor off my shoes I have to clean the entire training room floor by myself?”

"Just my natural charm.” Jace grins, patting Alec on the back as they walk towards their rooms, and Alec can’t help but notice Jace’s giddy attitude. Jace is usually chipper enough but tonight he has an extra spring in his step and Alec can't help but wonder if Jace has broken his 'no caffeine' vow.

“What’s got you so hyper anyway. It’s past midnight, Jace. We have a meeting tomorrow at seven.” Alec sighs as they round the last turn to their hallway, hoping that he won’t have to physically drag Jace out of bed again to make sure they both arrive at the meeting on time.

“Alec, promise you can keep a secret?” Jace’s voice is excited but there’s a hint of nerves in his tone and Alec is suddenly worried. Jace had missed curfew, sure, but only by an hour and Jace hadn’t left long before that, if he’d managed to get in this much trouble in such a short time...Alec wasn’t sure what he could do to fix it.

“Um, yeah. Of course.” Alec pauses at his door, hand on the knob as he waits for Jace to spit out what he has to say.

“I uh...I was late because I was at a girl’s house...”

Alec’s eyebrows furrow, clearly confused by Jace’s admission, wondering why Jace is acting as if this explains everything. “Okay, and you couldn’t have just gone over there before curfew?”

Jace gives Alec a look that Alec knows means Jace is just asking him ‘really?’ in the most sarcastic tone he can in his mind but Alec is still confused, what exactly were they doing that was so important that Jace had to miss curfew?

“We had sex, Alec.” Jace rolls his eyes as if the fact should have occurred to Alec without him having to mention it. Suddenly Alec feels angry, wishing he could have been allowed to go to bed early instead of being forced to finish up reports until Jace got back, because he really didn’t want to hear this. It takes Alec a moment to realize he’s not angry at Jace for telling him, he likes it when his parabatai opens up to him, no, he’s angry that it wasn’t with him.

“Oh, uh...congratulations?” Alec tries to play it off like he’s confused but underneath he’s angry, _hurt_  even, though he knows better than to be hurt over something his friend did, because Jace doesn't know about his crush, shouldn’t know about his crush, and he should be a better friend and support him.

“Thanks, man.” Jace grins, clearly unaware of Alec’s inner battle, his grin so infectious that Alec can’t help but smile a little in return, though his insides are busy tying themselves into uncomfortable knots.

“You know, you should try it sometime. Might help you relax.” Jace smirks, knowing it will get a rise out of Alec, already turning on his heel to head towards his own room.

Alec shakes his head, refusing to rise to the bait. “Goodnight Jace.”

"See you in the morning!” Jace calls back as Alec vanishes into his room, sighing when he realizes that not only is Jace going to be late for training tomorrow, he’s going to have to hear about this more than once.

************

 

Alec hates the rules. He hates that he can’t stop himself from following them, that he needs to follow them in order to stay sane, and he hates that he’s about to break the biggest rule of all; and he can’t even stop himself.

It’s the day of his parabatai ceremony, a day that he’s been thinking about for months.  He’s been eating, breathing and sleeping preparation for the ritual.  From extra training sessions to spending hours in the library brushing up on his ancient language knowledge Alec has thought of nothing else; but not in the way he should.  Alec isn’t focused on the ritual itself, not really, he’s focused on Jace, focused on being the best Shadowhunter he can be in hopes of protecting Jace, of being the parabatai he deserves, of _impressing_ him.

At first, Alec thought it was just nerves, wanting to not mess up at being half of a soul bond, but as time went on Alec started to realize that there was more to it.  When Jace would give Alec a quick hug he’d feel nervous, when he’d train shirtless Alec couldn’t take his eyes off of him and when they were training, bodies tangled together well....Alec had a hard time with that one.  The physical attraction to Jace was there and Alec could easily brush it off on hormones and a lack of an outlet-until he couldn't. 

One night, when Alec and Jace were sprawled out on the grass of the institute gardens Alec realized what was happening.  Jace was laying back in the grass, hair gently shifting in the warm breeze as he looked up at the stars through the open skylight.  His leg was hooked over Alec’s who was laying on his stomach and reading a book, turning the page every few moments.  When Alec glanced up Jace’s eyes were closed, his face serene in ways that Alec rarely saw, and the only thing that crossed Alec’s mind was _‘beautiful’_. Alec jumped slightly, surprised at his own thoughts, causing Jace’s eyes to open and look his way.

“Whats wrong?”

“Nothing.” Alec mumbled, looking back to his book. “Leg fell asleep.”

“You want to go back in?” Jace pushed himself up on his elbows, his eyes searching Alec’s for any discomfort.

“No, no that’s fine. I still have more to read tonight.” Alec looked back to his book, trying to act as if nothing was wrong.  Trying to ignore the butterflies he felt from where their legs were tangled together, the weird nervous energy he got every time Jace would shift slightly, causing their legs to brush against each other's. Trying to ignore how _warm_ it had suddenly gotten in the gardens.  Jace narrowed his eyes for a moment but seemed to think better of saying anything because he shrugged and laid back down.

It was another moment before Alec felt calm enough to chance another glance at Jace.  HIs blonde hair had always stood out in a crowd, Alec was easily able to recognize him in the midst of a demon hunting mission just by a flash of his golden hair, but it also made him look angelic-something Alec thought to be quite silly since they all had a bit of angel blood.  There was a fresh rune on Jace’s neck, heightened speed, one he’d placed that afternoon after a training session, claiming he was going to slow to be effective against any greater demons.  Alec wasn’t sure why Jace thought they’d be fighting a greater demon anytime soon, but he let it slide and focused instead on trying to beat Jace with his new heightened abilities.

Looking at the rune now Alec couldn’t help but follow the curve of the black symbol with his eyes, admiring the way that his skin continued to look perfect even though it carried a burn.  Alec had a strange urge to shift and trail his fingers over the mark, maybe place a kiss or two- _no_.  This was not happening.

Alec tried to focus his attention back to his book but after a good five minutes of staring at the same page an absorbing not a single world, Alec gave up.  He closed his book with a huff and pushed himself into a sitting position.

“Giving up?” Jace teased, playfully kicking Alec’s foot with his own, an easy smile on his lips.

“I think I better. I have an early session with Hodge tomorrow and Mother wants me to report to her office.” Alec stood up, brushing bits of grass from his pants and looking down at Jace. “You crashing too?”

Jace shook his head, “I think I’ll stay out here for a bit longer. It’s rare to see the stars this bright.”

Alec offered a small smile before he turned to go, “Goodnight Jace.”

“Night Alec.” Jace called out lazily as Alec walked away, his form disappearing into the shadows.

As Alec walked away he realized something: One, Jace was probably the best friend a guy could have and two-he was completely in love with him.

 

Now, looking back, he knows he was doomed.  He’d tried tirelessly to push his feeling for Jace away, to remind himself that Jace didn’t see him in that way and never would, but no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t stop the feeling of complete adoration he felt when he looked at Jace.

Today that adoration would bite him in the ass, because today he was going to go out there and break one of the Clave’s strictest laws-he would be in love with his parabatai-and there was nothing he could do to stop himself.  No amount of training or self-control seemed to be able to erase his feeling for Jace.

“Alec?” Mayrse’s voice interrupted Alec’s hand-wringing and he tried to school his face into one of completely collected strength.

“Jace is waiting for you. It’s time.”

Alec nodded, standing up and taking a deep breath he squared his shoulder for what he was about to do.

***********************

Alec isn’t sure how Jace figured it out.  There was always a sort of silent agreement between the two that if the other didn’t want to talk about something they wouldn’t force the other to do so.  Alec had been so careful to control his feelings, his reactions, every move when he was near Jace was calculated and restrained and on the rare occasions Alec forgot for a moment to watch himself, to control his feelings, Jace had been otherwise engaged.  There was no reason to think that Jace had ever caught on-but apparently he had.

They stood shoulder to shoulder on Magnus’s balcony, Jace still bloody and bruised from his escape and Alec still shaking from his encounter with death, both stealing a moment alone after the stone had worked.  Magnus had been quick to corral everyone into the main room while letting the parabatai out on the balcony, tossing up a quick privacy charm so that no one could listen in.  It was an unexpected gesture, but Alec was grateful for it, especially with the turn their conversation was taking.

“Alec, are you ever going to talk about it?” Jace’s voice was quiet and tired, a voice that Alec had never heard until Clary Fray has barged into their lives and turned everything upside down.

“About what?” Alec looked confused, eyebrows knitting together in a way that Jace knew meant Alec was genuinely confused.

“You know what. Alec, you....you like me.” Jace glanced at Alec from the corner of his eye waiting for a reaction, nervous that after today’s event Alec would explode.

“Of course I like you. You’re my parabatai. If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t have stepped into that circle.” Alec easily deflected with a small shrug.  Trying to hide his feelings from Jace was second nature now-but Jace wasn’t having it. Not anymore. Not after today.

“No, Alec. You like me. You like me as more than a friend or a parabatai.” Jace looked up, directly looking at Alec’s face who was purposefully staring down at his hands, gripping the railing so hard his fingers were turning white.

“I can feel it.  Sometimes when you think I’m not looking I feel this...this warmth. Like nothing I’ve felt before...” Jace shakes his head, “And I don’t understand it one bit, I’m not worth that feeling, but it’s there and I’m sick of us pretending like...”

Jace trailed off unsure of how to word exactly what he wanted to say, there were so many things Jace needed to say, needed Alec to understand- but no words would come.

“What do you want me to say Jace?” Alec’s voice was thick as he studied his hands so intently Jace thought his eyes might explode. “That I’m in love with my Parabatai? That me, Mr. Rules is breaking the biggest rule of all? That I lied and bound myself to someone without telling them how messed up I am?” Alec chokes on his words, shaking his head and staring into traffic below. “When I said those words in that ring of fire, I meant every word...but I meant them beyond Parabatai. You deserve better, Jace. You deserve a parabatai who can look you in the eye and tell you the truth.”

Jace had been listening quietly until that point but upon hearing that Alec thought he wasn't good enough, Jace had to say something. “Alec you are the best Parabatai anyone could ask for. Nothing you say could change that. I....” Jace swallowed hard, looking down at his feet. “I was taught to love is to destroy and to be loved is to be destroyed; but You...Izzy, Max, even Clary, and Simon proved that you can be loved and not be destroyed. I’m still here.” Jace’s voice shook as he reached for Alec’s hand, causing Alec to look up in hesitant confusion. “I meant what I said back there, Alec. I need you. I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone. I...I love you. Not as a parabatai, not as a friend. I...I’m _in_ love with you...and I’m terrified.”

Jace was shaking so violently that Alec could feel his hand vibrating in his own, he wanted to say something to calm the blonde to reassure him that everything would be okay- but he couldn’t because even with everything he’d been through today and survived, this is what put him in shock.

“You...what?”

“I love you, Alec. In a completely non-platonic way.” Jace looked up at Alec nervously, eyes pleading for Alec not to be upset.

“I know it’s against the law and I know it’s taken me forever to figure it out but after today....I almost lost you. I don’t know what I would have done without you. I realized that I don’t just love you, I’m in love with you and I can’t...I can’t lose you Alec.”

Alec froze in spot for a moment while Jace nervously fidgeted, looking seconds away from tears. Before Alec could think he surged forward, dropping Jace’s hand and placing his own hands on Jace’s face, pulling the blonde close for a passionate kiss. It took less than a second for Jace to kiss back, arms wrapping around Alec’s waist as he threw his all into the kiss.  The feeling wasn’t like Jace’s rushed one night stands or makeout sessions in the back of pandemonium, it wasn’t fire and hormones, it was warmth and need and rightness. It was _love_. The bond thrummed happily between them, syncing their heartbeats and dousing them in a warmth so pure it felt like sunshine- until Alec broke the kiss to breathe, resting his forehead against Jace’s own, thumb gently trailing over the cut on his cheek.

“Jace...” Alec had so many questions, so many things they needed to figure out, each of them rushing through his head.

“I can already hear you over thinking this.” Jace teased, tightening his hold on Alec’s waist and wincing a little when it pulled at his bruised rib.

Alec immediately tried to step back but Jace held him tighter, not ready to let go of him just year. “We’ll figure it out, Alec. Just...not tonight.”

Usually Alec would fight Jace, tell him that things this big couldn’t wait, but today had been hell for the both of them and Alec was just so exhausted that spending a few more minutes out here alone with no worries didn’t seem like a bad idea.

“Tomorrow.” Alec agreed, kissing Jace’s forehead softly, causing a grin to break out across the blonde’s face, eyes lighting up.

“Tomorrow.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you stuck it out through my 3:30AM typos and mess I appreciate it!


End file.
